What better way to enjoy the races and avoid the bloody awful weather, then to watch them in the nice warm and dry club while partaking in a little game of poker.

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Usually, we would have to wait a month for action this big again, but this month we barely get a chance to catch our breath before we are right back into it, as this week see’s the Eglinton hosting the Irish Poker Tour latest stop, the May Festival. This event has over €60,000 in guaranteed prize money and runs from Thursday 11^th to Sunday 14^th and has 4 holdem and 2 PLO tournaments over the weekend.

This will mean huge cash action throughout the course of the festival, which, due to the club new daily opening time of 2pm, I am guessing will lead to cash games, blackjack and roulette running 24/7 for the first time ever outside of Race Week. Definitely not a weekend to be missed.

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The last league was back in 2020 and was cut short for some reason, for the life of me I can’t remember why, but the important thing is that POC has decided that the fairest thing to do is to start this upcoming league with the €5000 that had been build up in the 2020, meaning this will, undoubtedly, be the biggest league prizepool we have ever competed for.

Things will be run in the usual way, when registering for any tournament a player has the option of paying €5 to enter the league for that tournament (I believe the €5 entry will be applied to all re- entries as well). If you opt into the league when registering, you will receive 3000 extra chips for your starting stack. So even if you couldn’t care less about the league, it’s hard to say no to buying some extra chips for a fiver. And, if you manage to cash in the tournament, you will receive league points.

All the €5’s collected are added to the league prizepool. Once the league is completed, a large chunk of the money is divided out between the top 10 finishers and the rest played for in the league final by the top 45.

Finally, I want to make it clear that any and all details I have just laid out could be completely wrong. If you wish to confirm the details or have any other questions, please ask POC or his boss Rego.

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With one exception, and that’s when you start playing playing scared. Let’s look at an example from last Friday’s Paddys day 10K tourney, our “hero” Ian Hambone is hold AA and after some preflop raising between Ian and the dashing Birdseye, the flop comes down AKK. Birdseye comes out betting and Ian being the cunning swine that he is just calls. Some blank came on the turn, followed by a bet and call again, the river is another nothing card and Birdseye checks, so you throw out a bet hoping to get paid and to your absolute joy Birdseye raises. Surely any player with a pulse would be giddy with joy, but not our Hamjob, no, maybe for the briefest moment KK would flash through your mind, but if he has that, fuck it, he is getting paid. But Ian sits there, shaking his head, “oh you have the one hand I was afraid of”, he moans, tears welling up in his eyes. Birdseye still has chips behind, re-raise is an option, but no, “I, I, I hate giving you chips more than anything else in the world”, Ian stammers as his shaking hand fumbles the chips he’s trying to count out to call. As a tear rolls down his cheek, “Call” he squeaks with a cracked voice, trembling hands tabling his pocket Aces. To nobody’s surprise, but Ian, Birdseye immediately mucks his cards and Ian breaths a massive sigh of relief as he quickly wipes away a tear, hoping in vain that nobody noticed.

To be honest, it was a sad sight to witness, a man who had one been bright and vibrant, reduced to a trembling, sobbing shadow of his former self. What I couldn’t understand was why he even bothered stacking the chips, in that moment it was over, if he had even a shred of self-respect left he would have just gotten up and shuffled away, leaving the game to the living. But no, like a punch-drunk boxer, he kept plugging away, addled and unsure what was going on around him, until eventually someone put him out of his misery.

God, I hope when my time come to hang it up, I will be able to walk away with a little dignity.

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Whatever happens, there is a lot of money up for grabs on this the most inebriated of nights, so let’s see if we can pick who has the best shot at the title. I think we can break our list of favourites into 2 categories, tea totalers (Cheats) and high functioning booze hounds. The 2 names that come to mind as big dangers from category 1 are Ian HamCock and Fintan Gavin. As most of the rest of the field will be in some way alcoholically impaired, I feel it only fair that both of these players be handicapped in some way, I suggest that Ian be seated at all time directly besides Birdseye and Fintan beside the Yipster. I feel confident that neither will make through the first hour before they run screaming from the building. As for category 2, Christ there is such a huge talent pool to choose from here, but as long as Padraig Parkinson or Sean Conroy don’t show up, I will happily grab a pint and take my chances. If either of them do show, well, then we’re all fucked.

Either way, I look forward to seeing you all there.

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It’s been a while and I was always pretty drunk when I took part in one of these tournaments but basically you have 7 players in each round, they all start with the same amount of tournament chips, play 7 hands (I think) and whoever has the most chips at the end qualifies for the final. There is probably no end of incorrect info in that summary, but I do know that they’re great crack, in fact Rego informs me it is the 2nd most fun thing you can do while being drunk and shouting “Hit me, hit me”. Honestly, I was afraid to ask what the 1^st is.

In other news, it has come to my attention that the quickest, most fun, and least skillful way to satellite into a tournament is returning, yes, the all-in or folds are also back and will be running during the breaks in the nightly tournaments.

And lastly a big shout out to Leon and Ezekiel Springwater Jones, who chopped the First Friday tournament, taking down €3000 each. Not only were the clearly the 2 best players on the night but I feel it’s fair to say they were also the best looking pair to every win a tournament in the Eglinton.

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I mean from what I heard, it was a coin flip whether something would fall off or he would have a massive stroke from all the performance enhancing gummies he’d consumed while abroad. But he assured me there was nothing at all to be concerned about, apparently the secret is to dip it in a glass of vodka after every usage and you will be tickety-boo.

A couple of shout-out are due, first, congrats to Kevin Lynch and Brendan Reany on chopping the First Friday tourney, netting just under €3000 each. Also a big well done to Birdseye, who despite absolutely fucking me twice for all my chips on Friday, managed to blow it all and finish just out of the money. Christ, I’m petty, but show me a good loser and I will so you a loser .

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In the Cash League on Saturday night there was a whooping €14100 up for grabs in the prizepool and 1st spot was taken by the Baltic Shark, picking up €2790. He was in fact only 1 of 2 players that cashed that began with one of the top seven starting stacks. All the other, including The Yipster and The Gent managed to blow their massive starting stack out the ass.  

The other 5 that cashed all started way down in the field, the lowest of which was Ian HamSandwich, who turned the shortest stack of the night, just 127 chips, into €1715. You could almost be happy for him if he wasn’t a miserable slow rolling old git. 

Barry O Sullivan had a cracking weekend, not only picking up €1600 in the cash league but he also took down the First Friday tournament the night before, which was worth a little over €4K. Not a bad weekends work for Barry and it couldn’t happen to a nicer guy. I only say this, so you know that I don’t always have to be negative about everyone I mention on here, it’s only with the people I feel truly deserve it. 

Which brings us to the Westport IPT satellite last Thursday, which had a €1000 package up for grabs, and as it turns out a €300 main event ticket for 2nd. I had the misfortune of making it down to the last 3, along with a great white ape that is Birdseye and an insane cackling hyena in the form of POC. I am not exaggerating when I say it was fucking torture. POC hurling insults across the table nonstop, like a hyperactive 8yr old, and the Ape mumbling god know what gibberish in my ear, I was doing my best to tune it out, because I swear you actually get dumber everytime you listen to him. Dispite all this I was tipping along nicely, that was until I ran into POC, the gutshot hitting sack off shit. I’m really not sure which was worse, having my flopped straight fucked the gutshot he called my flop bet to hit, or the insane screeching and cackling I had to endure as I made my way to the door as fast as I could.  

I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised by his behaviour, I mean a guy pushing 60 that still has a head of jet-black hair almost certainly has a lot of hidden issues that he is carrying around. So, if I was a better man I should really be a little more sympathetic, but I’m not, so fuck that asshole, I will just have to win my package this coming Thursday instead. 

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Then you’ll barely have time to catch your breathe because tomorrow night is the monthly First Friday tournament, which is a €150 buy-in and it has a whooping €10,000 guaranteed. Obviously this should have been held last Friday, but as it clashed with the IPC, between that and the fact that the management in the Eggy are wild men that simply refuse to be bound by convention. They just decided, fuck it, we decide when the 1st Friday of the month is, nobody else.

There was even rumours that the crazy bastards were thinking of running the First Friday on the 2nd Saturday, but saner heads prevailed when it was pointed out the this Saturday is the Cash League final. Which has an estimated €12,000 up for grabs, and there are still 2 nights left to work up the 50 hours that are needed to qualify. So for God sake, check the Cash league table and if you have any chance of making it, please don’t miss out on a shot at all that lovely Do-Ray-Me.

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To qualify for the Cash League final, all you need to do is rack up 50 hours at the cash tables. 

Here is how this works 

All the chips in play will add up whatever the prizepool is, let’s say 10,000 as that is the guarantee. 

Your starting stack will be based on the total hours you have posted (50 hours will have the smallest stack, 1st will start with the largest) 

You play until there are 6 players remaining 

Once that point is reached, the 6 remaining player cash out for the value of the stacks they have in front of them. 

Simple really. 

So, what’s the point of just scraping in with 50hrs I hear some of you say, I will only have a tiny stack compared to others at my table, and yes, you are guaranteed to have one of the big stacks at your table but remember that their stack is absolutely no reflection on their ability to actually play the game. They got those chips because the live in the bloody cash game. 

May I remind you that in the last cash League final, the little Yipster started with the biggest stack in the tournament and yes indeed managed to blow the entire stack away, and joy of joys he will once any have the biggest start stack this time around. 

Can you really afford not to be there when he pisses all that money away again? 

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